Eternal Flame Pt.5. (Loki X Reader)

„Your little incident cost us too much, my child. You played along too well, but from now I will personally keep an eye on you and I won’t let you fool me again. You will pay for what you did.” said the mysterious man in the shadows. He was furious about your break out which you was proud of. You didn’t manage to escape though, but you  showed them what you were capable of without your chains. Now they knew that you were dangerous and propably feared you. For now that was enough.

*Flashback – one day ago*

You gave up on being saved long time ago. You grew tired of waiting for the Avengers to come and take you home. You knew they wouldn’t burst in the doors and break your chains. The only one you could count on was yourself alone. The daily doses of the torturing mindwashing did their work, but in a different way than they were supposed to. You still couldn’t hate Loki. You never would. You loved him and you would love him until the end. But the Avengers... you estranged yourself from them. You knew you were never one of them. You were a bloodthirsty creature made for setting the world on fire. To kill and to destroy. No hero material, no wonder they didn’t need you among them. Who would want to live with an unpredictable monster?  They were no longer your family, since they never really tried to save you. You slowly forgot their faces and names, and they meant nothing to you.

Your mind started to twist and you slowly lost connection with reality, but your main goal became not to kill Loki or the Avengers, as it was planned. You decided to do the work alone, since the others had quitted on you. You wanted to play along and pretend to be controlled. You wanted to earn your kidnapper’s trust, and in the right moment break out. You didn’t have to wait for long. In the morning two guards dragged you out of your cell, but not to the now well known lab. It was a new place, something like a training field. On the end of the huge field there they were: the Avengers, and Loki. As you saw him your heart began to race, and you wanted to shake your guards off and run to his arms. But you needed to keep your cool, and your mind as clear as it was possible. Soon you realised none of them was moving. They were just dartboards. So, that was the next step of your so called training. After breaking your mind they wanted you to practice killing your friends again and again. Let they have it.

You clenched your jaw and your whole body was tense and ready to move. You only had one chance and you had to act quick. Your eyes manically scanned the field for an exit or a way out. You tried to calm your breathing and be patient. You heard as the strange, demonic machine looking guards were shouting at you their orders about the training, but you didn’t understand a single word. You were just waiting for them to unlock the chains on your wrists and neck. As the last one of them fell to the ground you let it all out. With a huge explosion you set the whole training field on fire. The flames were spreading faster than a lightning and consumed the whole place from the floor to the ceiling. Everything burnt to death in sight: your guards, and the pictures of your friends. You watched them burn for a few seconds then quickly run to the exit, but your vision suddenly blurred and you found yourself on the ground. You still were too weak, and this little action took all your remaining energies. You passed out on the floor surrended by smoke and ashes.

You regained your consciousness in your chaines and cell again. You were too tired to move, so you remained on the cold floor where you were thrown. You were so dissapointed and broken, you could have cried if you had any tears left. It was your only chance to escape and you missed it. You should have killed only the guards and you would have enough energy left to run away. But you couldn’t contain your fury. Your appetite for destruction took over, and it cost you your freedom. As you were dwelling in your self-hate and sorrow, suddenly a memory came up to your mind. After you fainted on the field, you had a strange dream. You were standing there, and out of nowhere Loki appeared. He seemed so real, like he was really standing by you, but as you tried to touch him, your fingertips went right through him. He was like a ghost or a vision, but in his eyes you could see it’s really him.

„Loki.. how? How did you find me?” you asked with your voice shaking. You couldn’t believe he was really there.

„(Y/n), it’s not important now. Do you know anything about this place? Where are you?” he acted like he was in a hurry, like he could disappear at any moment.

„I- I don’t know, I’m all day in a dark cell and I...” you couldn’t hold back your tears. You were so confused and scared of being alone again. You knew he would disappear and leave you behind. All you wanted was to stay with him, to hug him. All your buried feelings came to the surface and your heart broke again from the pain.
When Loki noticed you were crying, he didn’t ask you more. He cupped your face in his hands, but again, you didn’t feel his touch. You looked into his sad, blue eyes. Those beutiful orbs told you everything, he was just as broken and lonely as you.

„Oh, love. What did they do to you? Did you suffer a lot?” his voice was soft and his eyes were full of sorrow.

„They turned me into a monster. Look, what I’ve done here. I’m turning into something horrible and I can’t fight it, no matter how hard I try. Loki, I’m scared.” you wanted to bury your face into his chest, to hide in his arms, but you couldn’t. Suddenly, Loki’s form started to flicker, like he was about to fade away.

„No, Loki! Please, don’t go! Don’t leave me here!” you cried and desperately tried to grab him, but your hands went through his fading body.

„I love you. I promise I will find you.” tears formed in his eyes too as he bent down to kiss you, then disappeared like he was never there.

„Loki, please no..”

That was all you could remember. Something was strange about that dream. You had a feeling from deep inside that you have really talked to him. That it was really him, and he was still fighting for you. But after all the things you’ve been through, you wasn’t sure. Maybe it was just how your mind tried to cope with the mindcontrol and the monologues you got every day. Maybe this was only just a self-protect mechanism to keep your hope alive. You couldn’ tell anymore...

*Flashback ends – back to the present*

The man on the throne continued talking, his voice was dark and rusty, and his from was still hiding in the shadows. After seeing the guards in the light on the field, you became more and more curious about him. Who were they? And why did they need you so much?

„You know, once your dear Loki was our guest too. He enjoyed our services as well, though he was easier to break. I thought you will be like him, but I was wrong. You just need some extra care, and I’m sure in a few weeks you’ll dance as I wish.” so it was them.

He was the one who tortured Loki and forced him to attack New York. He never really talked about what he’s been through and now you understood why. It was like a living hell. It boiled your blood in your veins to face the man who tortured your love. Your hate for him and this place got stronger, and now you were more dedicated to murder them all.

„You can try as you want, but I will never obey you! You can’t tame me. I’m Muspelheim’s rightful heir and I will destroy you as soon as I have a chance. You will pray for my mercy but won’t be any!” you tried to sound confident, but you weren’t sure how long you could stand your ground. It was harder every day, and weren’t far from breaking. And he knew it as well.

„We’ll see. From tomorrow you will get a new treatment and I’m sure you will love it.” with this statement he merged into the shadows, and you were thrown back to your cell.

The next day you were tied up again in the chair with that hateful device on your head, but this time something was different. They injected something to your veins. They drugged you, and as the voice started to repeat the same propaganda again and again, you started to feel really bad. Your vision blurred, your head was spinning and you felt so sick, it made you want to vomit. You completely lost control over your mind and you had hallucinations. You were walkind on a long corridor, and in the distance the Avengers and Loki appeared. As you were getting closer to them, you saw their dark, angry faces. They opened their mouths as one and they repeated the monologue with the voice in your head:

„We don’t need a monster like you! You are an enemy, if you ever come back we will hunt you down. All you bring is death and flames. Never come back! We never loved you, because you can’t be loved. You are just a monster.”

You were seeing this scene in your dreams too. They surrounded you with weapons in hand, and repeated this monologue a hundred times. You were standing among them impotently and defenseless. Their words hurt you more than anything and you had nowhere to hide. Their hate and anger crawled into your bones and filled your mind. Even Loki was standing with them. He was repeating the words with the others with cold, empty eyes:

’We never loved you’.

You wanted to make them stop, to escape this nightmare but there was no way out. You wanted to mute the voice in your head but it was too strong. Fear, tension and fury was growing within you until it was too much. Your feelings exploded and you burned everything around you. You made the voices stop. You destroyed everyone around you.

You woke up in cold sweat and your heart was beating so violently, like it was about to break out of your chest. Something broke inside you.